Doldrums

"She always thought of his hair whenever she thought of him back then, and she thought of him now. She'd wished it was longer when they were together forever ago. Part of her wished it so even now but all of her wanted just to smell it against her face. Closing her eyes and with great focus she drew him up over and over. If he was in the room, she would be able to tell how he felt simply on how he smelled. Were she aware, she'd've know that all feeling was long lost in her hands. Her feet would then follow and what crawled up after and all over her was not a numb. Pain goes to ache and then onto numb and this had been gone through again and again and was more-than-known-well. She'd hold fast for a bit and end digging in the scar, fishing for something. This here was different. She was gone, or, at least, was going and fast. She didn't even think about it. she felt born without a sense of smell or a nose or a tongue. Her jaw stuck there locked limp at an angle. She tasted the pain and the ache and the numb at the back of her throat lying open like a hole. She could smell him behind her eyes way up in her head. Her body reacted with a shudder and a strong well. Two thumbs leaned hard on the front of her skull but she would not give because making that water would get all of it out and let it all go and it would be gone, but it was all she had. It was the only thing she knew.
She bit down hard, sat up and shook it off. "It smells like shit in here." Her mugs were all dirty but she made coffee anyway. "I'll figure something out."" Someone Sad -Gordon Shearer-